Excuses for not going to band rehearsal

In the late 1980s, I played guitar in a heavy metal band. The singer was a bit of a drug addict. He almost never came to rehearsal, but he always had a good excuse.

We started keeping track of his excuses on a sheet of paper in the band’s apartment. I recently found this sheet of paper in a drawer. These are real. Maybe someday, in a pinch, you can use one.

4/24 – Really bad diarrhea

5/1 – Took shower, got on motorcycle with wet hair, caught cold halfway to rehearsal and turned back

5/21 – Hit his head on his knee

5/27 – Threw up some weird colored stuff

6/5 – Real bad athlete’s foot

6/12 – Went outside and his car was gone

6/20 – I forgot rehearsal was tonight

6/24 – Sore throat

6/28 – Was arrested

7/1 – Thinks he may have pinkeye

7/9 – Could not find microphone

7/18 – Ate some bad beef jerky

7/21 – Still can’t find microphone

7/24 – Was looking for microphone and lost track of the time

8/19 – Big zit gave him a bad headache

8/24 – Thought rehearsal was last night

8/27 – Arrested

9/2 – Slipped in the bathtub while killing a spider (but he’s okay)

9/14 – Sore throat

9/27 – Stove caught fire

10/2 – Somewhere in Bakersfield, won’t make it back in time

10/3 – Still in Bakersfield, wishes he could get back

10/20 – Watching TV, lost track of the time

11/4 – Allergic reaction to AquaFresh toothpaste

11/15 – Street blocked off, cops looking for murder suspect

11/16 – Pulled a muscle in his ass while playing with his cat (hard to walk)

11/20 – Almost drowned in a swimming pool, water in his lungs

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5 Comments

  1. Nancy said,

    December 6, 2010 at 9:02 am

    Cats are notorious for their ass-muscle-pulling properties. He should’ve known how that little frolic would end.

  2. boodiba said,

    December 6, 2010 at 9:24 am

    I’m glad you posted a link to your blog! I’m enjoying myself. It’s much more entertaining than actually doing my work…

  3. February 3, 2011 at 11:52 pm

    […] band. I really thought we were going to do it. But the closer we got, the more heroin and cocaine our singer shot into his arm. He was talented, but the destruction of himself and the people around him […]

  4. February 5, 2015 at 8:50 pm

    I could not help but notice that he got arrested two months apart almost to the day.


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